


friends

by hanabyulse



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25764022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanabyulse/pseuds/hanabyulse
Summary: moonbyul meets the kim yongsun of snu, and eventually, becomes her best friend. she soon finds herself looking for the line between friendship and romance.
Relationships: Kim Yongsun | Solar/Moon Byulyi | Moonbyul
Comments: 13
Kudos: 78





	friends

**Author's Note:**

> if you're not already from my twitter, i suggest you find @hambyulie and look for "i still wanna be your favorite" because "friends" is the entire backstory (and more) of that edit.

Moon Byulyi despised the idea of college. She didn't want to go for a profession that she could easily build a foundation on without it, even when she had the privilege for an education. The idea of making new friends that weren't from Bucheon irked her too. Anyone would choose the fresh start that she had, just not her. Yet, somehow, Moonbyul stood in the hallways of Seoul National University's dormitories, luggage in hand and making her way through the crowd.

Ever so clumsy, she tripped on a foot that was in her way. Before she could even blow a hit to the suspect, the contents of her luggage pooled out in the hallway to her embarrassment.

"Fuck." She muttered under her breath and rushed to crouch and collect her belongings, especially the more private ones. Unexpectedly, Moonbyul saw that someone else helping her pick up her stuff.

"An instant camera, nifty and cute. I don't see why you need a... vast collection of Digimon cards." Her hands quickly reached out for the huge deck of cards with a flushed face, but the grinning stranger was teasing her by stretching out her arm further away from Moonbyul.

God, Moonbyul hated clichés more than she hated college. But here she was, in Seoul National University, on top of a girl that she had met for no longer than a few seconds, whose name she didn't even know.

"That's a strange way to be asking for your Digimon cards back, so I'd gladly appreciate it if you weren't on top of me." The stranger smiled, almost sarcastically, yet Moonbyul knew better. She was actually genuine. Frantically, the freshman collected herself and her items from the floor. The girl with long, black hair sat across her, still lending a helping hand.

Once she saw no more trace of her items on the halls of SNU's dormitories, Moonbyul got on her feet and carried her luggage once more. She extended a hand out to the girl that still sat on the carpeted floors, who gladly took it.

"My cards?" Moonbyul raised an eyebrow at the stranger, who laughed in return.

"Right! I forgot I still had those." She handed over to the aloof girl, her face adorned with a warm smile. The girl had this aura around her-welcoming and sweet.

With a sigh, Moonbyul insisted on forgetting meeting this stranger ever happened and glanced at the number engraved on the keychain of her dorm keys. She trudged her way through the now less-populated crowd to her dorm room. Upon taking a glimpse over her shoulder, her eyes sight the same stranger who had helped pick up her stuff.

"Are you going to stalk me now or something? Is it my Digimon cards you're after?" Moonbyul joked as soon as she arrived at the doorstep and inserted the key into the doorknob. The girl laughed at her, her eyes turning into crescents. Moonbyul found herself smiling at the sight, the laugh was contagious enough to do as much.

"I can't believe _you're_ going to be my roommate, Moon Byulyi." One side of her lip went up in a smirk, yet it wasn't one of malice. "I'm Kim Yongsun, your roommate for the rest of your college days. Well, of course, that is until I graduate."

Kim Yongsun, Moonbyul soon learned after exchanging formalities, was one of Seoul National University's highly admirable students. She was a consistent President's Lister and a proud representative for inter-school competitions such as debates, because she studied political science.

A little intimidated, Moonbyul stared at Yongsun for a while with parted lips in awe. How can _one_ person hold that much talent?

"Well, Moon Byulyi, that's enough of me. What do you do?" Yongsun asked andshe placed her feet on the headboard of her bed, laid down in an unusual way. Meanwhile, Moonbyul hummed to herself as she unpacked most of her stuff and organized them on her side of the room.

"Well, I don't play Digimon competitively, unfortunately." Her joke is welcomed by a snort from Yongsun and she continued, "But, I meddle in photography and videography a bit."

"A bit? Let me guess." Yongsun shot up, seated on her bed and legs swinging back and forth. "You're a media arts student, and you don't even wanna be here."

"You can tell that easily?" Moonbyul snickered and Yongsun nodded eagerly in response.

"I was actually waiting for the freshies to come out because I was looking for you. I'm really looking to make new... younger friends because the other girls in this dorm are set to graduate by the end of the academic year." The tone in Yongsun's voice held sorrow over losing her friends, having already lost the friend she had shared this room with.

"Well, I can't exactly promise that I'll be a good one, but I'll be your friend, Kim Yongsun." Her face instantly brightened up with a comforted smile, and she nodded in agreement. That was how Moonbyul made her first friend in college.

That was also how Moonbyul couldn't sleep her first night at SNU. Yongsun was an insomniac and stayed up all night restlessly, unable to keep still in one spot. Moonbyul learned that that must be why she was such a great student.

"Unnie... Can you turn off the light? It's a bit bothersome. Also, don't classes start until next week?" Moonbyul muttered, half-awake, and a pillow over her head. Dressed in her silk cartoon-print pajamas, Yongsun turned to look at her new roommate. She rubbed at her face and yawned in defeat. Only then did Moonbyul catch sight of the digital clock on her desk that told her it was 3:14 AM.

 _'You've got to be kidding me.'_ was the thought running through her head. No way was Yongsun going to be like this for the rest of college. Not on Moonbyul's watch. Since then, the media arts student made it her goal to teach the Kim Yongsun to set limits for herself and to learn to let go.

Which is also how Moon Byulyi found herself with a certain honor student clinging onto her at the annual mixer planned by a student organization to let the freshmen get used to the people in SNU.

"Are you just going to follow me around the whole night?" Moonbyul laughed at Yongsun behind her, a red party cup in her hand. The black-haired girl pouted with her bottom lip and fiddled with the hem of her blouse. So, a yes.

"How about you try this?" She made her way through the swarm of college students in the sorority housing and into the kitchen. Confidently, she pours Yongsun a red drink with ice in it and prompted her to drink it. Little did she know, that would be a huge mistake on her part.

One and a half cups. One and a half cups and Kim Yongsun slurred her words, bounced as she walked and frequently fell asleep in the middle of conversations. Of course she would've been a lightweight. Anyone that didn't know how to have a bit of fun had to be.

By 1AM, Moonbyul dragged Yongsun's slumped body on her shoulder to their dormitory. Moonbyul herself had had too much to drink, but she made it a habit to always look after her friends. And well, Yongsun was a friend.

To her surprise, the intoxicated girl rested her head on the crook of her shoulder and took one deep, loud inhale. "You smell nice."

As she laughed, so did Moonbyul. This girl was tons weird as she was intelligent, for sure. Moonbyul took a lot of caution in laying Yongsun down on her bed, and removing her shoes. They were both lucky none of them were drunk enough to be puking their guts out right now.

"Hey, Moonbyul." She heard Yongsun call out as she closed her eyes, almost falling asleep by the floor of her bed. The younger of the two only hummed and Yongsun continued, "Have you ever liked anybody?"

"Of course. What kind of person do you think I am?" It wasn't that funny, but Yongsun's laughter sounded like a dolphin's, so loudly that it could probably be heard from the other room. "Why ask?"

"Well, I've been crushing on someone for a year now. I'm just really worried I'll mess it up."

Moonbyul gasped in exaggeration. " _The_ Kim Yongsun is crushing on someone? I doubt you could ever mess anything up." She shook herself awake and saw Yongsun's eyes boring into hers. Her heavy sigh filled the room before she spoke.

"Well, I've never even had my first kiss before. Or well, first anything. That's why I'm afraid of messing it up." She confessed with a heave, and Moonbyul wanted so badly to laugh, but this didn't seem like the time to.

"Shut up!" She stifled a laugh and Yongsun huffed at the response.

"See! I'm probably the only person in SNU who hasn't had her first kiss yet. Oh god." Yongsun stressed herself out, covering her face with her hands.

"Oh my gosh, Moonbyul!" She sang her name, tapping her shoulder excitedly. Moonbyul turned to look at her casually, but never expected what Yongsun said next.

"You could totally teach me, right?" Yongsun offered and her cheeks instantly flushed, as did her ears. One question was enough to snap her back into sobriety. Suddenly she could hear her own breaths, the slight breeze that was coming in from the gap of their sliding window, the ticking of the clock.

"Yongsun, I don't think... You're drunk, for fuck's sake, and I'm..." Moonbyul gulped, almost audibly, unable to finish her sentence. _I'm not straight_ , she wanted to say. And god, Yongsun was everything but ugly. Yongsun could easily be anyone's muse or favorite subject with her beauty.

"We can do it once and forget about it the next morning!" Yongsun held way too much enthusiasm about this, as if it wasn't a big deal. Sure, for a straight girl, it would never be. But for a panicked gay like Moonbyul, kissing pretty girl would always be a big deal. Well, of course she's had her fair share of kissing pretty girls-

While deep in thought, Moonbyul felt Yongsun grip her shoulder and furrowed her eyebrows. She looked straight into Moonbyul's eyes. She was definitely serious.

Moonbyul had nothing to lose, right? If that was true, then why were her hands so clammy and why was she so... _hot_ on an October night in Seoul?

She took a deep breath and muttered a single 'okay', to Yongsun's delight. The older girl sat on the floor across Moonbyul with her eyes twinkling.

Moonbyul's eyes shifted, unable to make direct eye contact with her roommate. Was this even okay? Was she going to kiss Yongsun first or was Yongsun going to-

With no hesitation at all, Yongsun pulled her in closer, their lips pressed against each other's. Her lips were soft and they tasted sweet; like cranberry punch, just a little bit more addictive.

Despite her initial anxiety, Moonbyul laughed. Yongsun was too tense. "Unnie. You need to relax. Your lips will know what to do."

At that, Yongsun giggled and relaxed as she was told. Not even a minute after was the girl on Moonbyul's lap, enjoying the taste of her lips. She could definitely get used to this.

Only the next morning, Yongsun seemed to be serious about doing it once and forgetting right after. She greeted a blushing Moonbyul a good morning, like nothing happened the night before.

It was a Saturday before the week their classes would start. Maybe Moonbyul just needed to forget she had kissed Yongsun too. It was the last thing she needed before her first college class. With that in mind, before evening dawned over Seoul, Moonbyul grabbed her cameras as she prepared to go out of the dorm.

"You going somewhere?" Yongsun asked, her head not moving away from the papers she was reading on her desk. Moonbyul stopped in her tracks by the door, embarrassment creeping up on her.

"Uh yeah, I was going to take some shots. Wanna come with?" She asked, a camera in hand and one slung over her shoulder. Yongsun looked at her and back at the pile of her readings.

"Ah, fuck it." was her response before giving in and joining Moonbyul for her photowalk around campus.

The two of them laughed along the chilly streets of SNU while Moonbyul attempted to sneak some shots of Yongsun in the twilight, trying to capture her energy and beauty through the cameras.

"You know what, Moonbyul? I think you're going to be one of the best friends I've ever had in a long time." Yongsun pretended to whisper, her voice still too loud. Moonbyul felt satisfied with that. She had made a friend her first week in college, and it wasn't looking as bad as she thought it would be. Only of course, she had already kissed her first friend in college. Right.

Moonbyul's eyes looked up at Yongsun, and found herself wondering. Was Yongsun really that much of a lightweight that she would easily lose hold of the memory of her first kiss? She didn't want to be prejudiced against her roommate's character so hastily, but judging by the way she wasn't awkward at all, it seemed like last night had already been thrown far away.

That cold evening, Moonbyul walked alone with a smile on her face. Yongsun had to run some errands for her student organization, she told her. Happy with herself, she glanced at the film she had collected through the day-all of Yongsun with either a solemn look on her face or a proud smile, and the serene sky, whose beauty almost waned at Yongsun's.

Moonbyul could tell, too, that Yongsun was going to be one of the best friends she would ever have in this lifetime.

By Monday morning, as Moonbyul woke up, Yongsun was no longer there. Of course, that much was expected of her. Moonbyul, on the other hand, didn't even feel like getting up. But she had to, and so she did, against her will and groaning in complaint all the way through.

In her Media Fundamentals class, she was seated beside a student who was barely listening to the professor, busy in her own head and doodled away on her sketchpad.

"That's nice. I can only ever draw a stickman. Barely, even." She whispered beside her, eyeing the mindless drawing with admiration. The artist snickered and handed her mechanical pencil over to Moonbyul, as if she was saying 'go on, show me then.'

Moonbyul, at the very least, tried her best. Upon looking at her work, the girl burst into a fit of laughter, which gained her sharp looks from the class and the professor. She gave them a brief and bashful apology before smiling at Moonbyul.

"I'm Jung Wheein. I'm from the Design Department."

Jung Wheein then became Moonbyul's second friend in college, who Yongsun welcomed with open arms. Easily enough, she was the strongest drinker of the three.

It was a Friday night and all three of them were in the living space of Yongsun and Moonbyul's dorm, drinking canned beer together.

"Yah, unnie! I've been hearing a lot about you in my classes. I'm hearing rumors between you and a guy in the engineering department? Is that true?" Wheein nudged Yongsun who held a drink in her hand. Her face turns red with no difficulty at all, and gave away the answer right off the bat. It must be the same guy she told Moonbyul of.

She didn't know why, but there was a pang of pain in her chest. Moonbyul was happy for her friend, but why were her emotions were saying otherwise?

The first semester flew by them pretty quickly, and before any of them even realized, it was the second semester.

By this time, the friendship between the three of them had developed greatly, only Yongsun and Moonbyul's much more. Surely, they could now call each other as best friends.

"What are you guys' plans for the summer?" Moonbyul asked, sprawled out on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Yongsun fell quiet, waiting for Wheein to respond first.

"I'm going back to Jeonju with Hyejin." That was an obvious enough answer. Hyejin of the vocal music department was Wheein's long-time girlfriend, who occasionally joined the three of them for drinks and a good time.

"I think I'm going to meet Sungho's parents in Busan." Yongsun answered casually, which shocked both Wheein and Moonbyul.

"Is it that serious already?" Wheein gasped, covering her mouth and staring at Yongsun.

"Well... We kind of made it official three days ago." She mumbled. Wheein, being closer to her than Moonbyul was, shoved Yongsun in surprise. After a year of pining and yearning, she finally had him in her arms.

The conversation drifted away from the topic of Yongsun's new boyfriend and to finals, to their despised professors, and even Yongsun's upcoming most awaited debate competition.

For the next few days, Yongsun buried herself in more readings and paperwork than she already usually did. As her best friend, Moonbyul would start to worry that she wasn't getting enough sleep by pressuring herself.

So, by the fourth day, Moonbyul went back to the dorm with some tteokbokki and Yongsun's favorite chocolate drink.

"Byul-ah!" She exclaimed in appreciation, wrapping her arms around the taller girl. "Thank you... But, could you help me study? I think I'm going to do better with a study buddy."

Yongsun hadn't even forced her, but Moonbyul complained all the way through. No matter, she was still a big help to Yongsun, who could now easily answer the needed information to rebut any argument.

As they studied together, Moonbyul couldn't help but admire how Yongsun looked when she was deep in thought, with her cheeks puffed out and her face blank. She badly wanted to snap herself out of it; Kim Yongsun was her best friend. There was no way she could be in love with her. But she couldn't. Moonbyul's eyes always lingered on Yongsun's with a desperate yearning for the girl that had a boyfriend; for the girl she called her best friend; for the girl whose lips she could never forget the taste of.

She tried her best to forget, and by the next week, Yongsun came back home screaming louder than usual. Not that Moonbyul ever expected any less from her, but she had won the best debater position again.

"So, how do you plan on celebrating?" Moonbyul asked while Yongsun rested comfortably in her arms. She sighed heavily and pouted.

"I wanted to get some samgyupsal, but Sungho told me he was too busy with drafting to join me." Moonbyul didn't want to be the asshole by pointing out that the guy always had an excuse of having something better to do than spend time with his girlfriend. She was certain the Kim Yongsun deserved more than these lame-ass excuses, or any at all.

She internally rolled her eyes and settled with a sharp exhale. "Grab your stuff and let's go eat. It's on me."

Yongsun looked up at her with sparkling eyes and a bright expression. Moonbyul knew this was always the face she would make whenever things went her way. With a chuckle, she ruffled Yongsun's hair before she prepared to go out.

The pair of best friends shared a single umbrella under the light drizzle showering over Seoul. Through the past months, Yongsun had grown the habit of always clinging onto her best friend, be it her arm, the hem of her shirt, you name it. "You won't lose me," Moonbyul would assure her despite the fact that Yongsun was undeniably the more reliable of the two.

They sat facing each other and Yongsun grilled the meat as soon as the skillet heated up. Just like she always did, Moonbyul watched her in admiration. It really was difficult to spot any flaws when it came to Kim Yongsun, and even when they surfaced in front of her, Moonbyul embraced it all the same. After all, Yongsun was her best friend like no other. Right. Her best friend.

"Earth to Moon Byulyi?" Yongsun's voice snapped her out of her thoughts and Moonbyul shook her head vigorously, looking up at her best friend holding a lettuce wrap.

"Try this." Hesitantly, Moonbyul reached for the food, but Yongsun clicked her tongue.

"What am I supposed to do, then?" Yongsun answered her question by opening her mouth, which Moonbyul gladly mirrored. The black-haired girl happily feeds her the lettuce wrap with grilled meat in it and Moonbyul nodded in approval.

This was strange to Moonbyul, who held some feelings for Yongsun in her heart. But it had never been strange and never would be to Yongsun. This is just what best friends do, wasn't it?

While Moonbyul was deep in thought, Yongsun made sure to wipe the corner of her mouth clean of sauce.

"Oh. Thanks." She muttered and took a quick look with her thumb. Upon glancing at Yongsun, she realized that the girl had some on the side of her lip too.

"You too, ddun." Moonbyul laughed and rested her fingers on Yongsun's chin, her thumb cleaning off her face of any dirt.

Yongsun and Moonbyul walked hand in hand in the damp streets back to their dorm sneakily to avoid being caught violating their curfew. If only Moonbyul knew it would be the last time before summer break she'd get to be with Yongsun in peace, she would've made the most out of it.

On Thursdays, Yongsun's classes were shorter than Moonbyul's. On that Thursday, the younger girl opened the dorm room to a mess of Yongsun, who sniffled in a corner and refused to greet her like she always did.

"Hey, ddun. What's wrong?" She approached her carefully and sat beside her on her bed. Yongsun only shook her head and sobbed into her knees.

"Hey. Hey." Moonbyul cradled her head in her arms and stroked her hair gingerly. The girl only cried out even louder, which she shushed her for.

"It's going to be okay, ddun. Tell me what happened?" She whispered into Yongsun's head, and her best friend hiccuped before being able to speak any words.

"Ugh, men are _so_ stupid! Sungho just fucking broke up with me. Stupid bastard." Yongsun spoke angrily with her reddened face scrunched up. Moonbyul was dumbfounded. How dare that asshole!?

"What?!" Moonbyul gasped. "You're the Kim Yongsun, for fuck's sake! He's... nothing!" Yongsun had never seen her this mad over anything before. Of course, that was reasonable for anyone whose best friend was going through a breakup.

"Tell you what, I'm going to buy some ice cream and we can watch movies together for the rest of the night. Sound good?" Moonbyul asked and Yongsun shifted in her arms to give a weak nod.

Within minutes after leaving, she came back with a plastic bag full of ice cream pints and Yongsun's favorite honey butter chips. Moonbyul quickly set up Netflix on her laptop and snuggled close to Yongsun under a fluffy blanket.

She would occasionally glance at Yongsun to check if she was looking or feeling any better than she was an hour ago. Before she knew it, her eyes were stuck on Yongsun again rather than focusing on the movie she was giggling at. That's what mattered the most to Moonbyul-for Yongsun to be happy. That's all that would ever matter.

Moonbyul finished her first year of college with three great friends and as she was packing to go home over the break, she smiled to herself. "So, what are your plans for summer now?" She asked Yongsun mindlessly.

On the other side of the room, Yongsun was packing too when she laughed. "I've got your Digimon cards." She threw over the box of cards onto Moonbyul's bed and the younger girl playfully rolled her eyes.

"I knew you've always been planning to steal them from me." She joked, packing the playing cards into her luggage bag and finally zipped it closed.

"Well, I'm from Seoul, so I really have no place to go to since Sungho and I broke up." Yongsun answered Moonbyul's initial question with a side eye. She huffed and plopped down on her bed in defeat, exhausted from the packing.

"You can totally come over to Bucheon when you want, then." Moonbyul joked and Yongsun shot her a glare.

"Don't test me! I just might." She came off as mildly threatening. They shared a few moments in silence and Moonbyul laid down beside her.

"I'll miss you, my ddunie." Moonbyul spoke softly, with sincerity. Yongsun's fingers combed through her brown hair and she shuffled, facing Moonbyul now.

"I'll miss you too, my star." She kissed the top of Moonbyul's head, which gave her a feeling of warmth and affection.

Moonbyul's summer days were boring and uneventful. The last time she was excited while at home was because her dad had brought home a watermelon. That was about three weeks ago. She had gotten so used to always doing something with Yongsun or Wheein or Hyejin, or all three, that being idle made something in her itch.

That's just right! She threw on a hoodie and a cap, grabbed her car keys and started to drive to Seoul. It was nothing more than a twenty minute drive and she would be reunited with Yongsun. That didn't seem too bad.

Only it was about to be 4AM. Over the past year, Yongsun had learned to sleep earlier than she did before meeting Moonbyul. Not that it mattered now because it was summer and Yongsun surely was taking her time resting. Moonbyul erased those thoughts in her head and just continued driving.

Upon arriving at the address she had saved on her phone, she texted Yongsun.

Groggy and cranky, a well-dressed but half-awake Yongsun sat in the passenger seat of her car in no more than thirty minutes.

"I can't believe you drove all the way to Seoul... At four am... Just to pester me. No, wait. I actually can." By ending her sentence, Yongsun smacked the back of Moonbyul's head with the bottom of her tote bag. Moonbyul only laughed and tried her best to avoid the hit she expected.

"Come on, you went anyway. Aw, you love me, don't you, ddun?" Moonbyul cooed teasingly, tickling Yongsun's chin. She rolled her eyes in response and slapped her arm away.

"Yes, I do. But I hate you."

"Like that makes sense!" She exclaimed in satisfaction, starting to drive away from Yongsun's house and to anywhere they could walk around as they usually did in SNU.

Of course, Moonbyul never came unprepared. So when they arrived to the sunrise over Han River, she took as many shots as she could of Yongsun and the clouds.

"It's so nice here." She breathed out while she lowered her camera to talk to Yongsun.

"Here, Seoul? You've been here for the past year though." Yongsun took a sip of her chocolate drink and Moonbyul shook her head, placing her chin on top of her palm.

"No, here. With you." Yongsun never took her seriously, and responded with another smack on Moonbyul's head. But she meant every word, she always has. Yongsun didn't see through them, even when she was the smartest person Moonbyul had ever known. Well, intelligence does come at a price and the girl had never been wise when it came to anything with love.

She couldn't help but think that maybe it was better off that way, so that Yongsun would never confront her about the scarily obvious feelings she held for her best friend. Then she wouldn't have to risk losing her best friend and the girl she loved.

Summer came and went like a heated breeze, and Moonbyul was back at SNU before she could even count the days.

Upon arriving at her dorm, Moonbyul is surprised to see Yongsun already leaving.

"Where are you off to?" She asked, untying her shoelaces and placing them on their shoe rack.

"Right. Sungho and I have gotten back together, I'm meeting with him for lunch at the canteen. Wanna come with?" Yongsun offered but Moonbyul turned her down without much thought. That was an easy no. She'd rather eat her own fist than watch Yongsun be lovey-dovey with a man. The man being Sungho, no less.

"Have fun, and congrats." She greeted Yongsun as she went out the door. Moonbyul muttered with a heave even when Yongsun was gone, "I'm happy for you."

Those words were the same ones Moonbyul tried her best to remember even on the days she would come home to Sungho and Yongsun cuddling or the days she would turn down the three of them because of him. She was happy for Yongsun; she really was. It was just Sungho that was making it particularly hard for her to be.

For the first time in their one year of friendship was Moonbyul able to catch Yongsun in such a sour mood. The junior walked into their dorm like a hurricane, slamming doors and groaning in frustration.

"What's up with you?" She removed a single earphone to look at Yongsun, whose face was reddened by anger. Moonbyul easily knew without her saying though.

"It's just..." Yongsun began, unable to finish with anything else but an exasperated sigh.

"Sungho." Both of them said simultaneously. Moonbyul turned her chair and stared at Yongsun. Her best friend was mad, she could tell. She never wanted to meddle, but she knew when it was time to draw a line on things.

"Don't you ever just want to break it off with him for real? I mean," Moonbyul suggested as nicely as she could with a chuckle. "I'm not a relationship expert, but this no longer... looks right, Yong."

"Exactly. You don't know what you're saying."

"Yong, that's not the point. I'm just saying, isn't this too toxic already? You two are always on and off and the guy seems to find more excuses than time for you."

"You know what, Byul?" That didn't sound good. Moonbyul looked at Yongsun as the air between them grew thicker with tension.

"I would much rather you keep stuff to yourself when it comes to _my_ personal life." Yongsun spoke with a sharp tone, eyes avoiding. Moonbyul was confused and hurt. Wasn't she part of Yongsun's personal life too? Did she say something wrong? She just said what any other normal best friend would have in the situation.

She only pursed her lips and no longer carried on the conversation in fear of Yongsun saying anything that could hurt further her. Moonbyul knew that Yongsun knew, but chose to not do anything at the moment for she was still a mess of emotions.

In no less than an hour of complete silence, Yongsun went up to leave the dorm. Only ten minutes later, she left a message for their group chat to 'hang and get drunk'.

It felt weird to Moonbyul that they were drinking at Hyejin and Wheein's dorm on the lower floors. She was the last to arrive and was greeted by Yongsun, who had already drunk a few. It was obvious because of her body swaying and her slow speech.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Byul!" She cried out once it was enough for Moonbyul to feel awkward being hugged by a drunk Yongsun. "You know I don't mean it."

Yongsun was right. She always was. Moonbyul didn't want to take it too personally, she knew better than to.

The four of them wasted the Friday night away getting, well, wasted; Yongsun more than any of them. By the time she was able to go back to their dorm courtesy of Moonbyul and Hyejin, Yongsun was already making a home out of the toilet to puke.

And when the clock struck 2AM did Yongsun's guts call it a day. Moonbyul readily cleaned her up with a fresh towel and a new set of clothes that Yongsun could barely get into by herself.

While Moonbyul was getting ready to sleep, Yongsun made herself welcome by laying down beside her. She didn't really see this as much of a problem, only that her chest was pounding unnecessarily fast.

"I really am sorry for what I said, Byul." Her eyes were shut but she snuggled closer into Moonbyul's arms. She exhaled deeply and nodded, even though Yongsun couldn't see.

"I know, ddun." They shared slow and steady breaths in the dark and fell asleep thinking of the words they couldn't say out loud.

Moonbyul grew restless as her second year in SNU went by like a blur. She didn't want to be in love with Kim Yongsun, and woke up deciding that she wouldn't be in love with her anymore. And at random, chose someone to date out of all the girls Wheein had been setting her up with from the college of fine arts.

"Unnie!" Wheein ran to Moonbyul who was walking around campus with Yongsun. The two of them turned at the title, not knowing which one was being called by their friend.

"I've got you a date with Bae Joo-hyun." Moonbyul was able to make out through her tired panting. Wheein bent her knees and took gasps of air before any of the two said anything.

"Bae Joohyun?" Moonbyul spoke, pleasantly surprised the same time Yongsun spoke in a trivial tone, "A date?"

Wheein looked up at Moonbyul like she was in trouble. That much was true, she was. Even after a year, Yongsun had never known that Moonbyul was bisexual in fear the way she treated her would change.

Taking note of the unusual air between her two friends, Wheein disappeared into the crowds of SNU.

"Where did that little one sneak off to?" Moonbyul cursed under her breath, her nerves getting the best of her. Yongsun still hadn't said anything.

"You and Joohyun, huh?"

"Yeah, wait, no. It's just a set up. Yknow, just... looking to date someone." She shrugged an uneasy shoulder and Yongsun let it pass. They didn't talk about it for the rest of the day, or the week.

Yongsun never talked about Joohyun to Moonbyul, nor did she talk about Joohyun, even when she had gone on three dates with her.

After attending her last Friday class, Moonbyul picked her up at her college building where she would also briefly meet Wheein and Hyejin.

"It's getting colder these days." Joohyun's voice took Moonbyul some getting used to because of Yongsun's starkingly different high-pitched screaming. She nodded in agreement and took a glance at the sky, then back at Joohyun.

"It's the first snow of the year." She suddenly told Moonbyul after wiping off the spot in her nose where snow fell. They spent a moment to take in their surroundings, and before Moonbyul opened an umbrella over them, Joohyun held her wrist.

Moonbyul leaned forward first to kiss her... but it felt _different_. It was perfect—too perfect. The kiss wasn't messy, funny, or natural, like it had been with Yongsun. But that was Kim Yongsun, her best friend. She couldn't be in love with her. And now that she had Bae Joohyun in her arms, what more could she possibly ask for?

Moon Byulyi had Bae Joohyun as her girlfriend for the past six months now. She couldn't ask for anything more because she was everything she could possibly want. Joohyun had everything, but she wasn't Yongsun.

At home in Bucheon by summer, she had proposed to introduce her to her family.

"Mom, Dad, I brought my girlfriend." She announced as soon as she arrived at the doorstep, taking off her shoes. Joohyun found her hand to squeeze due to her nerves.

Soon enough, Moonbyul's mother greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. She exclaimed in happiness upon laying eyes on Joohyun and cupped her face.

"Is this the Yongsun you're always telling me about?" Her mom asked innocently. Moonbyul scratched the base of her nape in embarrassment.

"Ma, this is Joohyun. Yongsun is my best friend." She explained in a low tone and wished that Joohyun would overlook the tiny mishap. But one tiny mishap already said more about Moonbyul and Yongsun's friendship than Joohyun needed to know.

Joohyun spent her first day back at SNU comfortably sat on Moonbyul's lap and kissing her.

Something about the way she sat now was all too familiar to Moonbyul, but she didn't want to be thinking of Yongsun's lips when she was kissing her girlfriend of all people.

Joohyun pulled away and grunted at Moonbyul. "You're preoccupied. Is something bothering you?"

"Of course not, love. I was just thinking." Moonbyul reached her arm out to carress her face with a soft hand and sighed.

"You don't really love me, do you?" She didn't seem at all upset or mad. The girl kept her composure despite the situation. She added, "It's Yongsun, right?"

At first, Moonbyul stifled an awkward laughter. "What are you saying, Joohyun?"

"You look at her the way you're supposed to look at me. And you always kiss me like you wish it was someone else. I thought you'd move past it, but obviously not." Her words hit too close than Moonbyul liked. Was she that easy to read? Joohyun's eyes didn't waver even when Moonbyul stared right at her with fear.

"I did my waiting for you, Moonbyul, because I knew you would've been worth it. But I don't want to be with a girl who loves someone else."

Moonbyul didn't take her time to be sad, or to linger on the idea of what could've been with her and Joohyun. She instantly picked herself up and bought dinner for her and Yongsun that night.

"What's the occasion?" Her best friend asked, sat on the floor and taking a bite out of the beef brisket.

"Joohyun broke up with me." She simply told her with food in her mouth, eyes on the television.

Yongsun choked and coughed on her dinner, questioning how Moonbyul took the breakup so lightly. She was with Joohyun for almost a year, hell, she had met Moonbyul's parents before Yongsun had!

"Why did she break up with you?" Yongsun asked after she regained herself, cheeks filled with rice. Moonbyul clicked her tongue and surveyed the room to look at anything else but Yongsun.

"Ah. You don't wanna tell me because it was your fault." She wasn't entirely wrong, but Moonbyul preferred not to say 'it's because she realized I had always been in love with you.' Strangely enough for Yongsun, she felt a tinge of satisfaction over the split. She celebrated the fact that she no longer had to share her best friend with anyone else other than Wheein and Hyejin.

On nights with thunderstorms blowing over Seoul, Yongsun would cuddle up to Moonbyul for security and comfort, afraid of the clapping thunder.

"I can't believe I'm graduating by July." She whispered to Moonbyul with her eyes closed. "We'll still be best friends, right?"

Moonbyul shifted to give Yongsun the chance to look at her "angry" expression.

"Of course! Why would you think otherwise?" She held Yongsun's hand tightly and peppered her knuckles with soft, tiny kisses. The crook of her neck dampened and Yongsun sniffled, crying for sure.

"Why are you crying?" Her voice went down to a whisper even though it was only the two of them.

"I've just been through a lot in college. And I'm really glad I made some really good friends; that I met you, most of all. I don't think I would be able to do half the things I did if I didn't have you by my side." Without even realizing, she started to tear up too. When Yongsun looked at her, they laughed at each other's shallow tears. Moonbyul wiped Yongsun's damp cheeks and her fingers lingered, stroking softly even when her tears no longer fell.

"I'm so scared of the future, Byul. I don't know what's going to happen next. What if it's all for nothing?" She spoke against Moonbyul's palm and stared at her with glossy eyes, tears threatening to fall again.

"Me too, ddun. But please stay with me." Her eyes landed on Yongsun's lips and she closed her eyes with an exhale. Yongsun kissed her first, again. Did she have to do that whenever they were such a mess? Moonbyul didn't mind, but she could taste the saltiness of their tears and the melancholy of their words. The kiss was far from perfect, but it was them. For Moonbyul, everything she wanted, she found in it.

Since then, Yongsun slept more often on Moonbyul's bed even when it wasn't raining. Moonbyul realizes it's her answer to the question.

Time almost passed different in SNU, because the last three years flew by like a haze to Moonbyul. She didn't want to leave college. She wanted to stay in the walls of SNU's dorms, Yongsun in her arms forever. The nights of drinking cheap canned beer and crying out their frustrations over their finals would be long gone. Moonbyul hated to think she had grown to love college and that she had to go in a year; that Yongsun wouldn't be with her on her senior year.

Courtesy of being invited by Yongsun, Moonbyul attended her graduation. She shone in adoration over her best friend when she stood behind the podium to present her speech.

"My four years of pain, difficulties, and agony in SNU are also easily the best four years of my life. And I don't have anyone else but my friends... my best friend to thank for it. SNU wouldn't be the same without you guys."

 _And SNU won't be home without you_ , Moonbyul wanted to say when Yongsun looked at her in the audience.

Halfway through with the first semester of senior year, Moonbyul found herself asking if studying at SNU had always been this hard and draining.

"No, you just miss Yongsun-unnie." Wheein would tell her each time she complained. "Cmon, Byul. You're legendary! You're greater than any requirement!"

God, she could only wish the last part was true.

Hyejin would then suggest for her to date someone again, but she still loved Yongsun. She still _loves_ Yongsun. Of course everyone but her knew.

The more days passed by, the more Moonbyul wished Yongsun wasn't her senior, because she suffered so bad without her best friend's presence and no one came close to the comfort she gave her.

"I'm literally miserable without you, ddun!" She drawled over the phone when Yongsun called one weekend.

"Suffer!" Yongsun would joke but Moonbyul really _truly_ did suffer. "It's just a few more months. I doubt it's nothing you can't handle."

"I can't exactly go home and quit, can I? Ah well, what about you? How are things?" She asked, not really wanting to dwell on the topic of school. Silence stilled on the other line and she imagined Yongsun puffing out her cheeks.

"Sungho and I broke up."

"Is that good news or bad news?" A joke. Partly. Or not at all.

"Byul!" Yongsun scolded, and Moonbyul laughed at the face she knew she was making.

The calls became a regular thing between them; it was the least they could do by being separated. Moonbyul constantly pestered her to just drive to SNU, being already a city girl, but Yongsun always broke her heart by rejecting her.

When she saw Yongsun again, she had already just graduated from SNU. Moonbyul whined at her with flinging arms and pouted even when Yongsun hugged her tightly.

"I missed you, nicest smelling person I know." She joked as she smelled Moonbyul's neck the way she did the first time she got drunk.

"You told me you'd stay and you couldn't even be bothered to come over!" Moonbyul grumbled, the tip of her nose resting on Yongsun's chin. She stroked her hair gently and laughed heartily.

"I've always been with you, though." She hated how Yongsun was always right, even now. The never-ending weeks she spent in SNU crawling through all the schoolwork were made bearable by Yongsun's weekend calls.

As much as she never wanted to leave, Moonbyul took one last look at SNU in her toga, her hand held by Yongsun. This felt right in her soul; this was how things should be. And she said goodbye, finally.

The news Moonbyul hated to receive the most was that Sungho and Yongsun were back together again, after being broken up for a year. Her best friend reassured her that this time around, it was for good. She would never tell Yongsun but she still had her doubts.

"Technically, we've been together for seven years. That's as long you and I have been friends." Yongsun retorted while she grabbed an extra blanket for Moonbyul. The taller girl rolled her eyes and mocked Yongsun's words. It earned her a pillow thrown at her head.

"I deserved that." She admitted, retrieving the pillow from the far end of the room and laid down on the bed.

Neither of them could remember the last time they laid together like this, just looking at each other and shared the silence.

Moonbyul brushed the fine hairs away from Yongsun's face to see her face better, her cheeks peeking out more. She smiled to herself and Yongsun flicked her forehead.

"I can tell you're making fun of me in your head."

She laughed at Yongsun's claim. "I am not!" If only she knew half of what Moonbyul thought of her; if Yongsun knew Moonbyul like she knew her, maybe, maybe then Yongsun would love her like Moonbyul did.

Yongsun always fell asleep first, and Moonbyul considered it her victory because she could stay up just admiring Yongsun's features without being laughed at or randomly taking a hit. The only time she could do that was when she looked back at all the photographs of Yongsun she had taken, or nights like these.

Even after all this time, she was still as in love with Yongsun as ever.

The night after sleeping over at Yongsun's house, Moonbyul dropped by at Wheein's to catch up.

"You know everyone knows, right?" Wheein ran her fingers down Moonbyul's hair, preparing it for a braid—a habit she's had since college. Moonbyul hummed, though she knew. She always has.

"That you're in love with Yongsun-unnie." Her words were dropped so nonchalantly that Moonbyul moves away to look at her in shock. The younger girl only laughed at her obvious reaction.

"But you know..." She clicked her tongue in disappointment. "Yongsun-unnie has a boyfriend. Too bad."

Right. Too bad.

That night, Moonbyul plopped down on her bed upon getting home. Scrolling through her notifications casually, she responds to Yongsun's first, no questions asked.

Yongsun had gotten engaged to Sungho.

It was no secret to Moonbyul that Yongsun was an impatient woman, she would have never settled for a long engagement. So, naturally, she and her boyfriend were getting married in the next three months.

Those three months to Moonbyul felt like forever. Moonbyul was in every step of the way leading to the wedding—she helped with the dress, the cake, the invitations. She didn't mind that Yongsun dragged her around wherever she liked, or that it almost felt like she was getting married to her. _Almost._

She knew that Yongsun was a bad idea generator too, just as much as she was. Which is how the engaged woman found herself at her bachelorette party the night before her wedding.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to party and get wasted before getting married?" Moonbyul spoke in disbelief, rubbing her temples with her index fingers.

"Why not? For all I know, it just might be the last time I can."

And so, the party began.

Everyone knew that Yongsun could never ever hold her liquor. Two drinks (an improvement from sophomore year) and the girl was done for. Four maybe, and she could be dancing on tabletops.

Moonbyul made it her obligation to not get drunk, in fear her best friend may not make it to her wedding at all the morning after. She watched her every move, wearing a smile that felt heavy on her lips. As she entertained the thought, she realized it wasn't just her smile. It was everything.

It was the night before her best friend's wedding. Not just her best friend, but the girl she was in love with. And the burden of having it hidden for all these years was pushing down on her.

Fate worked funny, she was definitely sure. It must have been fate puppeteering a Yongsun that was too drunk for her own good, yet was hitting a glass with a fork.

Moonbyul looked for consolation in the other guests and met Wheein's eyes. Yongsun had always been the unpredictable one.

"Everyone!" She drawled out, eyes blinking slowly and staring right at her best friend's. Moonbyul scratched at her neck; what was she being so nervous for?

"I would like to propose a toast for my best friend, Moon Byulyi!" Her introduction was met with a loud applause with some whooping added into the mix.

"My best friend... for almost seven years! She's never too tired to drive anywhere for me, no matter how late. Nor is she ever too tired to annoy me." Moonbyul laughed along with the crowd but still, she couldn't shake off her nerves. Yongsun smiled so sweetly at her, her eyes glassy.

"For the past few years, you've never failed to bring out the best in me. Thank you so much Byul-ah... My best friend... I'm in love with you." Yongsun hiccuped, then laughed. A tear rolled down Moonbyul's cheek without her knowing, and she rushed to wipe her face clean. "I mean, I love you. So much."

She disguised the aching pain she was feeling with a laugh, sniffling her nose and clapping with the crowd.

"Oh god, I was so wasted last night. I barely remember anything." Yongsun sat across a vanity the next morning, and greeted Moonbyul with those words.

She nodded in agreement, but the thought was calling for attention again. Moonbyul swallowed it away, sitting on the bed of Yongsun's hotel room, waiting to be fixed up.

"Are you going to tell me what I did last night or are you just gonna brood all day? I know you're not a morning person but come on Byul." Yongsun pouted at her with her arms folded across her chest. Moonbyul only laughed and shook her head.

"Did I say something embarrassing?"

Oh, the question felt so much like a bullet to the chest. Perhaps that would've hurt her less.

"Don't you already do that enough sober?"

The bride-to-be rolled her eyes playfully and settled with the brief answer, looking back at the mirror to constantly check how she looked. Her maid of honor only admired her from afar, just as she always had.

She admired her from afar, too, waiting by the altar a few hours later. Murmurs and chatter filled the chapel in anticipation of what the bride was going to look like.

Moonbyul herself didn't know either, so she held her breath. She knew, though, that her best friend would be beautiful. She always was to Moonbyul anyway.

The two large doors of the chapel opened, and sunlight seeped through every crevice of the venue. She could feel herself choking on her tears and in pure awe at the sight of Yongsun.

Yongsun looked heavenly, in a majestic white gown that trailed down the aisle. Moonbyul was holding her breath even more now, she realized. As soon as she exhaled, she could no longer control her sobs, yet tried to with a hand clasped over her mouth.

Upon meeting Moonbyul at the altar, Yongsun stifled a laughter. Only then could Moonbyul get a hold of herself even just a little.

"What are you crying like a baby for!?" Yongsun's shining eyes could be seen even through her sheer veil, peeking glances at Moonbyul every now and then.

In response, Moonbyul only hung her head and laughed. There was no way Yongsun could understand. It was too late already at this point. It must have always been too late for her.

Fate worked funny. Moonbyul lived life believing so. She forced a smile on her face as her best friend said her vows and accepted a kiss to seal off her marriage.

Fate did its work endlessly, especially when Yongsun took Moonbyul's hand after her first dance and stayed in her arms, swaying to the soft music.

And for the first time Moonbyul could say, "I love you, Yongsun."

With a laugh that almost sounded bittersweet, Yongsun responded with a "I love you, Moonbyul."

Moonbyul was generally the more annoying between them, so it surprised her when she received a text from Yongsun saying that she was at the door. It was 2AM.

"Don't tell me." She told her, opening the door for a sobbing Yongsun.

"Sungho is so stupid. I really hate him. Why did I ever get married to that... demon!" Yongsun screamed in anger to no one in particular. Moonbyul crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips. How many times did she have to go through this?

"Are you even happy with him anymore? Were you happy at all to begin with?" It was the first time in a few years she ever meddled in Yongsun's relationship again.

"Moon Byulyi! You should know better than to make comments about someone else's marriage, no matter if it's your best friend's. I don't see why you should even care!" Her words were thrown ruthlessly whenever she was mad, which she always ended up regretting. For a while, no one spoke and surprisingly, Moonbyul laughed bitterly.

"Because I love you! God, I love you, Yongsun. How could you have not known all these years?" Moonbyul cried out in agony, falling to her knees at Yongsun's feet. She felt helpless; she had always known that Yongsun could never look at her more than a best friend, but why was she so helplessly in love?

"Is it so bad to wish happiness for the girl I love? I never even wanted for you to love me back, I just wanted you to be happy because that's all you deserve." She didn't move an inch, her tears stained her wooden flooring, but she couldn't care less.

"Byul... Get up. Please, get up." Yongsun's voice shifted from an enranged booming volume to a soft whisper. Knowing her best friend wouldn't budge, she sat on the floor and sat her up by her armpits.

"Look at me, Byul." She told her, her warm hands providing Moonbyul with solace. Moonbyul looks at Yongsun's eyes, the same ones that never let go of the sincerity they held from the beginning.

"Kiss me."

"Why would I kiss a married woman?"

"Just do it. Kiss me, for fuck's sake. It'll be the last time you can." Yongsun almost pleaded to her and her tears were welling up, making her barely even see what Moonbyul looked like now.

Moonbyul kissed Yongsun, the only time she could. Aside from the fact that Moonbyul had just confessed her love for Yongsun, this kiss was the best she'd ever had. It hurt to think that it really was the last time she would be able to kiss Yongsun, so she kissed her with passion and with the bottled up feelings she kept for the past seven years, pouring it all out.

She didn't see her for four months after that morning. Neither was she able to contact Yongsun. Moonbyul so badly wanted to carry on with her life like nothing happened, but it was slowly becoming as she feared—she was losing her best friend and the girl she loved.

The next time she heard from Yongsun was through a single text.

 _ **from ddunie**_  
sorry for being mia  
for the last four months,  
especially after,,,  
yknow.  
i'm pregnant, byul.

A wave of shock passed through Moonbyul's body. Yongsun was pregnant, with Sungho undoubtedly as the father. She spent the rest of her afternoon dumbfounded and unable to say anything to Yongsun but 'congrats!'.

The following months, she and her best friend returned to how they were before in a snap. Moonbyul and Yongsun were good at forgetting their secret messy kisses. It almost convinced Moonbyul nothing ever happened between them.

She felt like she was back in college, with driving back and forth to convenience stores and to Yongsun's house. Whatever the pregnant woman craved, Moonbyul readily delivered at her doorstep with no hesitation.

"With how good I'm taking care of you, I could be that child's second mother." She would always joke at Yongsun, whose reaction varied depending on her mood.

On July 29, Yongsun gave birth to a boy. Moonbyul cradled him in her arms gently, afraid to even hurt a hair on him.

"You know, his name is Haneul."

 _Haneul_.

Moonbyul started to cry, remembering the photos she would take of the sky, then of Yongsun. She looked at her best friend in a lab gown, face sweaty and her hair a mess. She was still the most beautiful girl Moonbyul came to know.

With much caution, she returned Haneul to Yongsun and her chest hurt at the sight of them together. Looking back at all the things she had endured with Yongsun, Moonbyul found it hard to believe that the child wasn't theirs. All of the _almosts_ and the _what-if's_ knocked on the back of her head and she sobbed.

"I love you, Yongsun."

Yongsun met her eyes with the same welcoming smile she had the first time they met.

"I loved you, Moonbyul."


End file.
